Finding ways to build independence in older kids can be tricky. And getting lost is a big one. Everyone will experience getting lost. But learning how to cope and problem-solve under pressure are excellent life skills. At some point we are going to have to give our older children the opportunities to get lost and to build their own independence as they transition from child to teenager. Here is our story…
This story is part of our Growing Up series.
Growing Up: Where have they gone now?
Mummy (10 Years Parenting)
“Why don’t you go out on your scooters while you are waiting?” I suggest to the boys. Which is much less of question and more of Please can you get out of my hair for a minute so I can get ready in peace without you constantly nagging me “Am I ready yet?” when I am clearly not because you keep interrupting me every two seconds!
We are in the middle of the school holidays and some nerves are beginning to fray. As you might have noticed.
We are currently in Center Parcs and our next activity is booked for 11am. It is 10:15am and they are ready and raring to go. I am not. Not ready. Definitely not raring. And currently dreaming of a quiet, empty beach with a big no-entry sign which says, “NO CHILDREN!”
But sadly there is no beach.
“Don’t go too far!” I call out as the boys go outside.
Silence. Wonderful, peaceful, beautiful silence.
And I can get ready in peace without anybody asking if I’m done yet. Or where is their coat? Shoes? Helmet? Bag? Basically any item of clothing that is not already attached to their body.
But then I notice it’s been quiet for a while. A long while.
And we need to get to our next activity… and we are currently missing two children.
Where are they? Where on earth have they got to now?
We are holidaying with my parents, so that is four adults to two children who are seven and ten years old. And we have lost them.
The grandparents take the one main road and we take the other. Both assuming that they won’t have got too far. But the roads are quiet. Empty of two boys, one black and one orange helmet atop a scooter each.
Where are they? And why did we let them go off on their own? And what part of “don’t go too far!” did they not understand?
What if one of them has fallen off and broken something? Or they have crashed into a tree? Or they are so lost we never find them again!
I might be starting to panic. Just a little bit.
The four grown-ups now take a path each, widening the search area.
I head down to the activity centre wondering if maybe the boys went there directly. Actually, seriously starting to worry now.
And then I spot them. Sitting on a bench, helmets and bags in hand, beaming up at me. Beaming. I mean actually beaming! Like two angels!
“Mummy, Mummy, we got lost. We found a lake but then forgot the way back, but Grandad came and found us. It was so much fun!”
Fun! Fun? I ask myself That was fun?
I definitely need a holiday from being on holiday.
How to Build Independence in Older Kids
If you are a parent of a tween or teen and struggling to find the balance of building independence and boundaries, here are some thoughts.
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