The Dangers of Parent Fatigue and Exhaustion.
Are you tired? Have you forgotten what ‘well-rested’ feels like? Is your exhaustion starting to impact on your mental health? Parental fatigue, exhaustion, and stress are common factors in all of our parenting journeys but they are often just brushed under the carpet with the phrase “I’m just tired.” And I passed tired a long time ago. And without a little bit of care, ‘just tired’ parents can quickly become stressed parents, exhausted parents and ultimately suffer from parental burn-out. So here is my 5 ways to cope with parental fatigue.
1. Recognise your level of parental tiredness...
This might sound like an obvious one but stick with me here. There is value in evaluating how tired you are. Is your tiredness at a level that you are starting to lose the fun in parenting? Is your exhaustion impacting on how you parent? In your physical and emotional stress are your thoughts centred upon being a ‘bad’ parent?
Recognising the level of your own parental fatigue is essential for you to be able to make the changes you need. Not to eliminate tiredness or fatigue (we are still growing little people into big people), but to find the right balance you need to protect your mental health.
My eldest was around 7 to 8 years old when a big dose of parental fatigue hit me. I found myself being a master juggler (but one that never stops). School, work, home-life, school holidays. There are a lot of things to hold on to – and it brings a mental fatigue. Around this age children are starting to explore their independence and there are so many decisions to make. They are working on their teenage stroppiness too. And there is a silent myth for this age-group that they will somehow be easier now that the baby years are over. They will be able to do so much more for themselves, but they have not reached the dreaded teenager milestone.
Be aware – you will be referee, coach, manager, teacher, nurse and parent all the time.
And although you may be getting more actual physical sleep, your brain is going to need it to navigate the complexities of your child becoming a tween.
2. Verbalise Your Thoughts...
One of the most annoying things I get told as a parent is that I will miss it when I’m older and my kids have all left the nest. The other end of the spectrum is knowing friends or family who have been unable to have children – and then feeling guilt for getting tired of your own children. All this leads to a downward spiral where you don’t think you can say how you actually feel. You can’t verbalise the deep exhaustion of parenting – the years of no sick leave or annual leave; the constant feeding and taxiing. The refereeing and arguments. And the total and utter disappearance of the lie-in. This is the parenting season I’m talking about – the parenting that doesn’t stop when they are no longer babies or toddlers.
There is a relentlessness and repetitiveness to parenting (especially if you have more than one of these darling little monsters) that accumulates over the years and leads to a deeper exhaustion.
It can't just be fixed with a good night's sleep.
Find a safe space to verbalise your thoughts – with a partner, friend, or family member. Take away the parent-guilt of feeling like this and share your parental fatigue with someone who will understand.
3. Combat (self-care)
You will always be at risk of parental burn-out. The symptoms might change and develop but the root cause may be the same. And one of the biggest barriers to making a meaningful change today is this mantra that it will be easier “when…” next month, next year, next job, next baby, next developmental stage. The list is endless and unfortunately it rarely ever happens.
So, let's combat your parental exhaustion today. Go big and go small. Do you need some time out? A few days and nights away to rest, recover and recharge?
What about the weekly routine? Can you easily identify a time where you get to recharge? Can you do something that inspires you, calms you, enables you to shake off the worries and stresses of parenting and just breathe? Are these the things at the bottom of your list to get done and the first ball to drop when life gets busy?
Enough is enough. You are a person and not a machine. A person responsible for growing other people and that is a tough job. Carve out some time to do a restorative activity each week – going for a run, crafting, reading, writing, journaling. Anything that gives you meaningful rest. And give yourself permission to have that time each week without guilt. Seriously – the kids will just have to wait for a little bit.
4. Involve...
A problem shared is a problem halved. It’s essential to remember that your whole family will suffer if you hurtle into full parental burn-out. Stress-parenting will ultimately hurt and damage your relationships with your children.
So, think about who you can involve to help alleviate some of your parental fatigue. And this doesn’t need to just be other adults – involve your children too. What chores can they absorb into their routine which gives you a little gap in yours? Can you teach them to be quieter on the weekend mornings (good luck!) so you can have a slower start to the day? Can you chat to them (age-appropriately) about how you are struggling and how as a family you can all support each-other?
Involve other adults too – family and friends. An extra pair of hands when parenting is always a blessing.
5. Share Your Story...
Your exhaustion is worthy of being shared. There will always be people who are struggling more than you and there will always be those suffering less. Don’t compare, but find a safe space to share your experiences – that might be a simple as a chat with a friend or family member. Or seeking professional help. You can also comment below or share your story via our social media pages.
Click here to read more of our story – A Parent Fatigue Story Part 1 – “I’m Awake!”