Newborn bonding can feel more challenging after a C-section. After my first child I was coping with an unexpected emergency c-section, feeding issues and feeling like my child was a complete stranger to me. In those hormonally and sleep challenged days in the hospital, I did not feel like I was able to bond with my newborn baby at all. But that was only the start of our newborn bonding journey. Read on for my five simple steps to make newborn bonding easier after a complicated birth.
Read our Newborn Bonding story here.
How to Make Newborn Bonding Easier After a Complicated Birth
1. Take it slow...
You may have been expecting a big rush of love when your baby was born and it never came. Or you felt that high but now it has waned and you are left wondering who this new person is. Don’t panic.
The first thing to say is that newborn bonding, newborn attachment, takes time. And you and your baby are allowed to take your time. Give yourself permission to take things slow. To allow your maternal love and instincts to grow at their own pace.
After a complicated or unexpected emergency birth, your body and mind are also trying to cope with their own trauma. So, just as you won’t be expected to jump out of bed first thing tomorrow, don’t expect to your mind, your emotions, your heart to jump into motherhood either.
2. Prepare for the Journey...
There is no rule that says that to be an amazing mother, you and your newborn baby will be best buddies from the beginning. You have not failed the new mum test because you don’t feel it all right now.
You may have a long road of recovery ahead of you. You might be in a considerable amount of pain. Your emotions, hormones are running riot and leaving you feeling a stranger in your own body.
Don’t panic. Give yourself permission to be a mum who takes her time. To understand that you and your newborn baby are at the start of your journey and there is a long way to go. Instant newborn bonding is not the mark of a successful mother.
3. Make it about You...
One of the hardest things about being able to bond with your newborn is that everyone else wants to as well. And after a difficult pregnancy or birth, you are going to need their help. But it can get in the way of your own personal newborn bonding.
So, be careful to ensure that you get time with the baby. You need to get to know your own baby. You need time to bond – that is not just feeding or changing or soothing their tears.
You need time to bond with them in the quiet, just to hold them while they sleep, or feel their weight, listen to their breathe. To enjoy them in the quiet and calm of your own home.
4. Cuddle, cuddle and cuddle again...
After a C-section your body will take several weeks to heal. You won’t be as mobile as maybe you hoped. But you can still find ways to easily bond with your newborn that won’t cause you pain.
Take the time to cuddle your baby in those early days. Take the time to just sit with them, holding their hands or feet. Touch them in moments of calm and when they are asleep. Cuddle when they are awake, asleep or in the middle. Routines can come later. Form that unbreakable newborn bond first.
Discover their body – you grew this – take a moment (or many, many moments) to marvel at their little fingers, toes, how much hair they have (or haven’t!).
Talk to your baby. Sing to them. Play your favourite music (seriously the nursery rhymes will have their time!). Let your voice be heard.
The key thing here is to prioritise time with your newborn.
5. Share Your Story!
For most of you reading this, newborn bonding will establish itself in the first few weeks. As your own hormones settle, your baby settles, feeding and sleep find a rhythm – you will forget those days before baby was born. It will all feel like normal again and your bond will be forged.
But for those of you who are struggling, for those where the bond feels fragile or your own mental health is deteriorating – please speak to a health professional. You are not alone, you are not a failure. You are a mum and all mums need help at some point.
Struggling with Newborn Bonding?
If you are struggling with newborn bonding after a c-section or a complicated or traumatic birth, find out how to get help here or speak to your midwife or health professional
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