Experiencing a Big Disappointment – My First Competition

It’s hard even as grown-ups to cope with disappointment. It’s a big feeling that can leave you feeling empty, agitated, unsettled and can even border on grief. And handling our children’s disappointment can be even harder. Here’s our story…

This story is part of our big feelings series.

You can read the first part of this story – Experiencing Big Excitement – My First Competition here.

A Big Disappointment

Mummy (9 years parenting)

Are you kidding me?!? It’s been cancelled because of the weather. What weather? It’s the nicest day we have had for weeks; months actually. It’s not raining (for a change) and there are even tiny patches of blue sky. Yes, so it’s a tad bit windy (there is a storm battering Scotland and we are getting the tail winds if it), but it’s always windy here.

And he was so excited, and the forecast said it was going to be dry. So I didn’t prepare him for the possibility it could be cancelled. I didn’t even think I needed to prepare him.

We talked about everything else that I thought would be useful like packing his bag the night before to make sure he had everything he needed. And putting extra snacks in his bag for after school because he always gets hungry. And to remember to try and eat them even if he was feeling really nervous, because life is always harder on an empty stomach.

We talked about nervousness, anxiety and excitement – all these big feelings rolled up inside of him that had been brewing for a few days.

He had been practically fizzing in the run up to today. Unable to sit still, not really concentrating on anything, not really listening. He was full of adrenaline – so excited for his first competition.

In total honesty I was quite glad the competition was today because he was starting to wear himself out with all these big feelings. I was a bit worried he was going to be exhausted before he even started playing.

We talked about channelling that energy during the games. We talked about making mistakes and that it wouldn’t be the end of the world. That it was his first competition and so much of it was about being able to enjoy the experience.

I absorbed fears, insecurities, worries, nerves, excitement, anticipation. I was pretty exhausted myself by the end of it.

I cancelled plans, organised Daddy so he could leave work early, rearranged my meal plan for the week so that we would all be able to have some hot food quickly when we got back in.

I found the right colour rugby trousers for Tomos, the right shoes, an extra drink, extra snacks and ensured it all went in to school with him.

I thought about coats, snacks, hot drinks (maybe even a hot water bottle) for the spectators. Things to have on hand for Luc if he got bored.

I worked out which field we needed to be at and for what time. And where the best place to park the car would be.

And for what?!?

After all that, I now have to switch parenting gears.

I have embraced the excitement and the nerves and the anticipation with him.

And now I get to embrace the disappointment, the let-down, the bottled up adrenaline that has nowhere to go.

The frustration that has no easy fix.

I can’t guarantee that he will have other opportunities. I can’t rearrange the competition for him. I can’t take all his big feelings away.

When life gives you lemons, sometimes you can’t just make lemonade straight away. Sometimes you are just stuck with the lemons.

Sometimes as parents you can’t make it all better.

I head out on the school run with knots in my stomach. His excitement had been all-consuming and I’m dreading if his disappointment is the same. I’m hunched into my coat (okay, maybe it is a little bit windier than usual). A colder wind than of late as well.

A little bit of relief creeps in. It would be quite cold to stand out in this for a couple of hours. Well, freezing really. Not that I’m not still extremely disappointed for him, but you know – every cloud.

Embrace the Big Feelings Together

Click here to read an excellent article to help parents understand and respond to your children’s big feelings such as excitement, disappointment, grief and so on.

You can also read our ‘5 Ways to Support Children Struggling with Disappointment’.