As a parent you want to easily grow confidence in all of your children, but sometimes its the careful and cautious ones we worry about more. And encouraging risk taking can seem counter-productive when we also spend so much of our time trying to keep them safe and healthy. Some children love to take risks, are happy to dive into countless situations without a care so today I want to focus on the cautious, the sensible, the stand-back-and-watchers… those who naturally don’t like to take a risk, push the boundaries and ultimately build their self-confidence.
Read our Building Confidence story here.
Easily Grow Confidence in your Kid by Making Small Changes
1. Who are you?
It’s important to establish whether you are a natural risk taker or a cautious evaluator. Most of the mummies that I chat to are instinctively protective and cautious when it comes to their children (especially the first) so that can make it challenging when it comes to encouraging our children to take a risk.
And children are sensitive to their parents insecurities, worries and cautiousness. And if this is the case, then have you become one of the barriers to your child stepping out of their (and your comfort zone)? So own up, ask the question? Do you like to see your children take risks? Or are you happier when they have two feet on the ground? Are you part of the problem?
2. Stay age-appropriate...
When it comes to building confidence, it’s important to take it slow and age-appropriate. It’s also important to note that all children develop at different rates so what is sensible for one child at 6 might not be for another. So take a step back and evaluate your child as an individual.
Have a think about what are sensible risks that you would be happy for them to take. Can they cross a quiet road alone? Can they go on the ‘big’ swings? Can they climb that tree? Can they go to the park with friends? Work out in your own mind what the skills are they will need to keep these risks sensible so that you can guide your cautious child through this and ultimately build their confidence.
3. Start small...
When encouraging your child to build confidence, it’s important to start small. Start with a conversation about what the activity might be, what would be fun about it, what would be scary about it. Take your time – you may have to discuss a risk several times before they can even take their first step.
Get creative with how you can break down the activity so it’s not seen as such a big risk. Can they walk a little bit without you first? Can they sit on the lowest branch of the tree with you holding their hand? Start small, take your time and show your child that you are there every step of the way.
4. Don't Pressurise (most of the time...)
It’s so easy as a parent to dismiss our children’s fears and just tell them to get on with it. What we think are encouraging phrases like “keep going!” and “you can do it!” can sometimes hit our kids like rocks as they struggle to exit their comfort zone. They are learning their limits all the time and we may have missed their own moment of victory by climbing half-way because we have decided that success is all the way at the top.
Don’t pressurise your child to succeed on your terms. Gently encourage them. Ask them if they want to go further? Ask them if they think they can? And don’t be disappointed in them if you think they have failed.
Do you want a child who you think is confident and can take risks or do you want to build a child who knows they are confident and able to take risks?
5. Share your story...
Share your stories with friends and family about helping your children to grow in confidence. Share your fears about letting them out into the big wide world. Share your concerns about how best to equip them for the risks that they will need to. Share your difficulties and your fears about the child who seems unable to take a risk. Share when you got it wrong and share when you got it right because just as you are building your child’s confidence, it’s good to have someone right behind building up yours too.
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